I am in full swing at my part-time job teaching now and I'm trying to organize "blogging" time. Today was not a day I had planned to speak, but God took over.
I chatted with a colleague today who has a friend who has been trying for over a year to conceive. "She is now having body odors and showing up with her hair all over her head and acting very, very depressed," this colleague shared with me.
"I think she is depressed, but she says she is fine." I hear that alllll the time from family and friends of an individual with Bipolar. My colleague does not know that I am Bipolar because I don't tell everybody my health issues. However, God always, always puts you in the right place to do His will.
So, I shared with my colleague some encouraging words about depression. You see, it is not a laughing matter (she was laughing with yet another colleague who was present about the body odor and "hair a mess" thing. "That is not funny." I said politely and she quickly agreed. That's when she shared that she thought her friend was depressed.
She probably is. She probably is very emotionally upset about her inability to conceive. It must be very important to her. The more she has allowed the emotions to overwhelm her, the more she has probably developed a chemical imbalance or "triggered" a chemical imbalance.
So, if she is really depressed, but denying it, why not take her out to lunch and have a sisterly conversation with her. Why not tell her you are genuinely concerned about her and point out how her appearance is deterioating along with her "snappy" behavior.
Share with her that you have done some reading lately about depression and you would like to go with her to a local NAMI meeting (in extreme cases) or for a nice long walk so she can talk about her hurts and pains over non-conception. Keep sharing with her bits and pieces of information about mental wellness and how it can get out of control very fast.
Understand that if this friend is depressed, her energy level is probably zapped. Her self-esteem has dropped significantly, too. Therefore, her appearance is NOT a concern of hers. she could care less because it is hard enough to focus on just "being." Sometimes medication is needed to correct the imbalance or if depression is caught early enough, talk therapy might just help. Is your friend letting her OB/GYN doctor know about her days of "crying on end" and "not getting out of bed?" Perhaps speaking with her husband privately about your concerns may help him to bring it up at the next doctor's appointment.
Most individuals with a mental illness will be in denial initially according to Family-to-Family by NAMI. Friends and family must know when to surrender the sermons and "pushes" and lovingly "let go." However, leaving information around for the individual and showing them you care by participating in a NAMI talk group for family members can be all it takes for an individual to swallow his or her pride and attend a meeting with you.
Of course, I always tell folks to pray and ask for guidance because God will do just that. Laughing about a friend behind her back is never the answer and I know we are humans, however, doing so makes us perpetrators of the stigmas.
Being who I am, I had a few pamphlets in my briefcase and I invited my colleague to stop by my classroom for one. I was surprised she did later that afternoon. "I just want to see my friend happy again." She said. Isn't that what we all want? To see our loved ones who suffer with a mental illness happy?
Today, I wish you would put your own feelings and ignorance about brain disorders aside and seek ways to help your family member or yourself. There is so much information about Bipolar and other mental illnesses today that up to 90 percent of persons affected with a mental illness can live a quality of life with the brain disorder.
Take a moment to locate a NAMI organization near you by visiting:
www.nami.org. Agnes ~ Too Wise Not To Praise Him!
Author of "Cooling Well Water: A Collection of Work By An African-American Bipolar Woman" ISBN 0975461206 Winter Release Pending -
www.myspace.com/coolingwellwater
Posted By: agnes levine
Wednesday, September 24th 2008 at 8:43PM
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